A traveling spouse, Consultant Husband

So my consultant husband is back to his real business. Yes, he is traveling again. My state of mind isn’t panicky as of now but yes the long distance is irking me. Even if I have been married for four years and am used to seeing him live a life out of suitcase, its never easy to see him pack and go. I may make hundred attempts to act strong but the knot in the stomach comes out to be stronger. And next I am choked with tears. As the taxi chugs away, I am heartbroken again. But then there is not much that I can do. I gather myself to return to the house chores.  I succeed in distracting myself for few hours but soon I realize that I have yet not learnt to be happy without my traveling spouse.

 

There is no denying to the fact that the husband has a job to do and he has to live with it. But who thinks about the wife? In the pressure of assignments and timelines, somewhere the spouse of the traveling partner loses his/her voice. There is none who knows her pain. As a wife, I know how hard it is to live when the husband is gone. I am not supposed to be called guilty for whining around. Its emotionally challenging to see everyone around you having a good time and you being left alone. There are days when it seems absolutely manageable but soon they are followed by other days when the wife feels completely stressed out and depressed. Do not read if you have to judge me because its not easy to be a stay-behind partner.

 

Can I blame the fairy tales that I grew up reading because they always said… ‘And together they lived happily ever after.’ Where is that togetherness?

 
Life is short, why are we supposed to live away from each other? 
 
 

I excel at my work, I take care of the family but the long and short of it all is that my entire routine and the body clock gets affected when my husband travels.
 
 
Honestly, I feel left behind and my energy goes down automatically!
 
 
Its not that I have to tag along with him everywhere but I hate it when he’s away. Period.
 
 
Like the other wives who may exist,  I do not enjoy my ‘me time’ and the separation makes me unhappy. If you have mastered the art of living alone or have a guidebook on ‘how to be happy when alone’, do share it with me!
 
 
At the end of a day, it feels so lonely to have none to listen to your day’s achievements, falls, wishes, dreams, aspirations. The laugh and the jokes that you love listening to from the other side of the bed go missing all of a sudden.
 
 
A lot of stories of the day get lost because the time difference hardly allows us long conversations. Nothing can fill the void.
 
 
I married because I wanted to spend my life close to my partner not live far away. So I hate it when everyone  around has an opinion on how I should be happy with what I have.  I don’t need the lectures on life, karma, sacrifices, etc.
 
 
My husband handles various complexities at work but I wonder why there is no solution for this complex situation that keeps appearing again and again in my life.
 
 
Its tough to sleep properly because the slightest of sound in the house makes me conscious and conspires to wake me up. I miss those tension-free sleeps.
 
 
I decide to catch up movies but what do I do when my favorite channel decides to  run all romantic movies that makes my heart go fonder.
 
 
I make an attempt to read a book and I fail because I am reminded of how he would keep talking when I would read.
 
 
I am angry, I wanna vent out but there is nobody to listen. I have to live through my own blurring emotions? 
 
 
Food makes me excited but when he is away I am just not bothered about the breakfast, lunch and dinner. It simply becomes a routine.
 
 
The follow ups with the carpenter, plumber and the maid takes a toll on me.  I scold one, screw up the other and shout on the third. I know I am cranky because I am mad at something else.
 
 
Keeping myself busy is something that I practice but I know my mind and heart are not easy to fool. They know what they want.
 
 
The husband has friends and colleagues. No doubt, he works hard but he has fun too. I miss the only company I have.
 
 
Its so tough to stay connected. Technology has made it easy but yet its all very complicated and superficial. Technically when you talk, you miss the person more. 
 
 
There are thousands of partners who are required to travel for work and then there are wives of the army men too, yet I am not inspired.

 

I am a travel blogger myself but yet I feel affected when my husband travels. I wish to be busy in work because there is no fun to be back home and not have the most loving person around me. 
 
 
I genuinely try to do all that helps me to cope up with the stress. I go around with my friends, catch up with books before sleeping, write emails to my husband and I keep myself neck deep in my work. Despite of all the above, nothing  takes away the stress. I count the dates on the calendar and I want my husband to return soon.

 

So you have a traveling spouse? Just pour your heart out! I am all ears…

 

 

 

 

Written by

Manjulika Pramod

An engineer who loves to be called a blogger more!
Traveler, short-story writer, voracious reader, foodie is the better me!
Reading, eating, traveling, exploring, observing and blogging are the beautiful highs of my life.